Saturday, December 17, 2011


In the two weeks that I haven't posted, a lot can happen.

A certain Language Arts essay about an event in my life and the emotions that came with it can be submitted.

A certain Dad can come for a visit and leave again.

And a certain family over here in Jordan, then reunited can open all their Christmas presents, for what is Christmas if not celebrated with the ones you love?

I think that Languae Arts paper has wiped all of the words right out of my head, so I'm sorry for the neglected blog post.

And I think my Dad visiting hasn't left me much time for actually thinking through a post, and finding the time to write it.

But besides that there's really not much to write about right now anyways.

We have seven more months left here in Jordan, which means that I think of Colorado more often... The life we're going to have there, the people we're going to meet, my school, our house, and even the people we're leaving behind. Everyday at school I talk to my friends, sometimes about their next posts, sometimes about mine, and sometimes just about nothing at all. But it gets harder and harder to find something to talk about, becasue so many things lead to leaving. And leaving leads to never seeing each other again.

I mean isn't that the main reason everyone's so scared of moving? And leaving? And starting over? It's never the place, it's never the fear of what's going to be there when you arrive. It's who. Are they going to be nice? Are they going to the best friends I've ever had? Or am I going to be that new girl that comes from the Middle East and no one wants to bother with getting to know because it's to much of a hassle.

Well it's a hassle getting to know them too. Getting to see how they live, and what they like, and what they've done their whole entire lives. And sometimes the whole entire first year of living somewhere is exhausting because you're trying so hard to make sure that you have friends. It's easy over here with an embassy and an international school. Everyone has done this their whole lives. They understand what it's like to feel alone. They understand what it feels like to know that no one in the world knows what you're going through. Because the truth is we can explain it to them, and write it out for them, and tell them as many times as we want. But they will never understand. We've all seen different things, and met different people that have changed us in so many different ways. We all know what it's like to be different.

Moving around in America... Well it's scarier. I'm not going to speak for everyone, but in my experience the people that I've met have lived in one place their whole lives. They all listen to the same type of music. They all wear the same brands of clothes. They all have literally been best friends for life. And I'm the new girl. That person that shows up and changes everything. That was in elementary school. Now I'm older. Now we're all older, and it's even harder.

But then what about those people that you leave? Well half of the people here that I know are leaving too. They're going off to their branches of the world. And the people that are staying will be gone in a few years too. I'll never see any of them again.

Heck, I'll never see any of this again. Because places change right along with the seasons, and if I ever come back to visit Jordan, everything will be different.

I'm scared.

I'm scared for the people in Colorado, and I go over a million scenarios in my head every day of what they could be like. They're a mystery to me, and they will be for the next seven months.

And I'm scared that I'll lose touch with the amazing people I've met here.

I wish I could just pick up the embassy and drop it in Colorado, that way I could adjust right along with everyone else. And I won't be alone.

People are the cause for everything. They can make you laugh and cry. They can make pick you up and bring you down. They can make a place worth being, and a day worth living.

They can determine whether or not moving is worth it.

Luckily for me, it usually is.

But that doesn't make it any easier.

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